Christmas, nostalgia, reflexion and pause

This time of year is the most special to me. I Love Christmas in such intense way that is hard to explain – I think I like more than my own birthday! I always look forward to the date, love hearing those songs , love adorn the Christmas tree and I’m eager to put all the presents underneath it. By the way, I love gifts – and, before that can seem materialistic, I like more to give gifts than receive them (but’m accepting haha!). I love to make imaginary lists, placing the items chosen for each special person in my life.

And maybe for all these reasons that I am so excited about Christmas this year: I’m going to Brazil to spend the day next to the family I have not seen for few months and I will see friends I have not seen for few months as well. I will be able to participate in locus of our secret friend, I will be able to give a hug and I will not be limited to a Skype screen, I will be able to talk and I will not be limited to WhatsApp audios, I will be able to deliver my gifts without having to send them to someone or put them in the mail. I could not be more excited, because each trip to Brazil is a mixture of anxiety and nostalgia. Even at a time like this!

This is the second Christmas since I live in New York – the first we spent here. We had an evening with dear friends (and a period that reinforced a special friendship) with a tasty food that I prepared, an illuminated tree, a surprise video of the family that made us cry … but it was not the same and since last year, I promised myself that next Christmas would not be far off, would have to be in Brazil. Yes, I will give up the cold weather (not so cold for this time), the supposed snow (which I’m sure will not going to happen), the sights with the most beautiful lights of the world and will spend a hot Christmas in Brazil. And I could not be happier, because it is that matters most to me at this time. I must confess that I already feel the pinch that will take care of my chest in time to come back here, the tears that I might not hold as well as held the last time, that sadness aura that takes care of people’s time to say goodbye – and then, passes, of course. I think all the farewells will be so, but it is best to leave this thought aside to take advantage with intensity all these days I have to enjoy close to special people. This is the “karma” we have to charge you for choosing to live abroad.

In this time of so much nostalgia, it is impossible not to make a analysis of this year. I made new friends, the places I’ve been, the recognition of my work, the opportunities that arose, achievements throughout the year. And that’s good, you know? I’m glad that I can finish in 2015 knowing that a lot of good things happened in my life and that, thankfully, have a lot to thank! No, I’m not perfect: I will not say that I spent the year without a question, without crying asking me if I was on the right track, without disappoint with some people, without missing people, without hesitation to make decisions that were not easy. But in the end, what comes first to mind when making the overall balance is positive things, I think is a good sign, right? Bad things happen to everyone – and it’s up to us to know get the best out of these lessons. And ask themselves is also good: it makes us remember what we want, do we get to know – and certainly 2015 was a year of self-knowledge as well.

And, with so many reflections, questions, doubts and speculations, I am sure that 2016 can be wonderful if we want: accepting our limits, taking advantage of this energy renewal. I look forward to this new year to start making my list of goals, to list all I want for this new year. What about you?

I see everyone again on January 4th! I will pause here on the blog – but our Facebook group remains, as well as posts in the Fan Page and Instagram. Pretty soon, I’m back!